EXPOSÉ

We had fallen in love! We laughed together. We delighted in being with each other. We discussed everything that came to mind. We looked forward to our time together. Then came the day when I met all his friends and relatives at a community event in his home town. "Now I've got you! Now we are a couple," he declared before falling asleep. The next morning, I woke up with somebody else. His basic mood was bad-tempered, reproachful, and critical in everything towards me. There was no resonance in our communication. He no longer responded to my words. My well-being no longer touched him. After some time, I gave up and broke up. When he realized that I was serious, he switched to courting me again.  He became attentive and we created game rules to protect us from a repeat situation. Within an hour of booking a mutual vacation, he switched back into being a bully. In the meantime, I understood what was going on inside him. My whole life and my psychotherapeutic work had prepared me. That's why this book is dedicated to him and all the couples who are endangered by a similar kind of impasse.

To abuse others in order to exploit them has been an important power tool for securing material wealth in the past 3000 years.  Hierarchical relationship structures and an economy that is geared towards constant growth have led to more and more people being confronted daily with tsunamis of tasks, demands, outdated interactional patterns, lack of solutions and a tendency to burn-out mentally and physically when overwhelmed. Meanwhile, styles of cooperation in business, education and health care facilities are emerging that are capable of solving exactly the problems we have created with hierarchal habits.  Today we also need these "new" kinds of communication in our intimate relationships, in order to secure emotional well-being.  Fortunately, the brain itself actually prefers the new communication patterns, making change easier than might be expected.

Love relationships that are not at eye level and do not use these healthy patterns in everyday life have very poor long-term prognoses today. Discreditation in intimate relationships leads to throw away relationships with traumatic side-effects.  The couple is the smallest social unit we have and reflects the situation in our society in general.  Participating in the transition from discrimination to equality in our intimate relationships, can lead us not only out of our personal misery, but even offer patterns that work on the big stage of our whole culture.

On a very practical level, we can playfully transform our love life from a culture of violence, competition and exploitation to a culture of incorruptibleperception, of the integration of emotional and rational intelligence and of team work. In neurobiological research there is now consensus that nature has equipped us properly for exactly this change.  With curiosity and a playful attitude, we can achieve a fundamental improvement in our love life.  This book offers not only ideas but also experiments in order to explore personally how to do just that.

Presented by

Dr. Linda Marie Leva

Berlin, February 29, 2020

Genre:

Non-fiction, Self-help

Target group:

People in committed love relationships and those who want to be in one.

Abstract:

The book shows how lovers caught in the vicious habit of unintentional bullying can achieve a new level of well-being in their relationship. It provides tools for all concerned.